[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
You going out tonight? Sidney got up the nerve to ask. A picture of Nash wearing his
tightest jeans and sexy black cowboy hat came to mind.
Nash s eyes widened momentarily. He surprised Sidney with a crooked grin. You
heard that, did ya?
Yep. Sidney waited. Nash had never lied to him, but there was always a first time.
Strong arms wrapped around Sidney. It s not what you think, so get those thoughts
right out of this pretty head of yours.
I heard you make a date. So tell me exactly what I m supposed to think? Sidney
couldn t bring himself to look Nash in the eyes.
I don t know. Maybe that Reece has been a friend for too damn long to just end things
over the phone? That he deserves to actually hear that I m in love with someone else face-to-
face instead of through a text message? Nash released his hold on Sidney and took a step
back. I won t cheat on you. Not ever. Either you believe that or you don t. This is one of the
reasons I fought my feelings for you. I still don t know how the hell a relationship between
us is gonna work, but one thing is for certain. You re finishing that degree of yours, which
means you ll be leaving at the end of summer. Now, you can choose to make yourself
miserable by worrying that I m out fucking someone else, or you can concentrate on your
studies knowing I love you. The choice is yours.
Before Sidney could say a word, Nash walked out of the barn, Old Ben still clutched in
his hand. Sidney wanted to run after Nash, but he couldn t. Despite what Nash said, Sidney
knew he would always worry. Nash may not be a cheater, but that didn t mean he wouldn t
find someone and break up with Sidney before making a move on the other guy.
Did you find him? Lonnie asked, pushing a wheelbarrow full of straw and crap
towards Sidney.
Yeah, Sidney answered. He watched as Lonnie s gaze swept over the scars now
visible on Sidney s bare head. Suddenly, Sidney needed to get away. Driving himself to the
Reno County Courthouse in Hutchinson was impossible, but he could put off getting a copy
of the will for another day or so. Still, he needed a place to think.
SPRING Carol Lynne
94
Sidney thought about just taking off for the afternoon, but he knew he couldn t do that
either. Before Lonnie left the barn, Sidney called out, If anyone needs me I ll be at the
cemetery.
* * * *
Nash pulled along the side of the road and parked behind the ranch truck in front of the
Running Elk family cemetery. The stacked-stone wall surrounding the one acre resting place
always amazed Nash. The wall had been constructed over a hundred years earlier and not a
stone was out of place.
He spotted Sidney on a blanket under the old walnut tree that shaded his mother s
grave. Nash remembered the fit Jackson had thrown at burying his wife in that particular
location. Jackson hadn t liked the idea of the tree s roots eventually destroying Elizabeth s
casket. Elizabeth had just shaken her head and tried to explain to her grieving husband that
by becoming part of the tree, she would live on for years to come.
Hey, Nash greeted. Lonnie told me you were out here. Nash sat on the corner of
the blanket and rested his back against the tree. He took off his cowboy hat and set it on the
grass.
Sidney s eyes remained closed, but Nash knew the younger man wasn t asleep. I can
feel her here.
I know. Nash had found a distraught Sidney at his mom s grave on more than one
occasion over the years. There were no doubts in Nash s mind as to why Sidney was
currently seeking the comfort of his mom. The conversation in the barn hadn t gone well.
Nash knew he sounded harsher than he d meant to, but at the time he couldn t believe
Sidney would question his loyalty. It wasn t until after he d walked away that he realised
why Sidney would worry.
I ve known Reece for almost eight years. Been fucking him for about the same amount
of time, Nash began.
I don t think I want to hear this, Sidney mumbled.
I m sure you don t, but you didn t let me finish. What I was going to tell you is that
I ve fucked Reece for the last eight years and never once felt it was anything more than a
SPRING Carol Lynne
95
fuck. One night with you and I knew what making love was all about. It sounds corny as
hell, but I can t go back. You ve got me.
Sidney finally opened his eyes and turned his head towards Nash. Is he handsome?
Yes. Nash moved to stretch out beside Sidney. He traced a few of the small, dark
scars on Sidney s head. But so are you. He ran his hand over the small amount of black
fuzz. I know you don t think so, but I have a feeling you re not really seeing yourself
anymore. I think you re seeing the face of a man who was driving a car when a friend s life
was changed forever.
Sidney quickly turned away, dislodging Nash s hand. Of course I am. How could I not
when I m faced with what I did every fucking time I look into a mirror?
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take away your guilt, but I can t. And I won t
tell you not to feel what you re feeling, because I m sure I d be going through the exact same
emotions if our positions were reversed. But you will get through this. We will get through
this. Nash laid a hand on the centre of Sidney s chest.
Sidney met Nash s gaze with tears in his eyes. I kissed Luke.
The confession made Nash feel uneasy. Is that all you did with him?
Sidney shook his head as if he were frustrated. It s not the kiss. The kiss didn t mean
anything.
So what did? Nash asked, confused.
He unbuckled himself so he could kiss me while I was driving that night.
The impact of the statement took Nash aback for a moment. He just laid there and
stared at Sidney.
Now do you understand? I think Josh knows. I think that s why he can t stand to look
at or talk to me.
Nash scooted closer to Sidney before pulling the man into his arms. Although he
understood Sidney s guilt, Nash knew he wasn t alone. If you re guilty, so am I. I shouldn t
have pushed you away like I did. Maybe if I hadn t the kiss would ve never happened. And
unless you unbuckled Luke s seatbelt, he shares some of the blame as well.
With his injured cheek resting against Nash s chest, Sidney squeezed Nash tighter. I
love you.
SPRING Carol Lynne
96
I love you, too. Nash thought of his meeting with Reece. Although it was important
he speak to Reece in person, he couldn t bring himself to leave Sidney for the evening. I ll [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl fopke.keep.pl
You going out tonight? Sidney got up the nerve to ask. A picture of Nash wearing his
tightest jeans and sexy black cowboy hat came to mind.
Nash s eyes widened momentarily. He surprised Sidney with a crooked grin. You
heard that, did ya?
Yep. Sidney waited. Nash had never lied to him, but there was always a first time.
Strong arms wrapped around Sidney. It s not what you think, so get those thoughts
right out of this pretty head of yours.
I heard you make a date. So tell me exactly what I m supposed to think? Sidney
couldn t bring himself to look Nash in the eyes.
I don t know. Maybe that Reece has been a friend for too damn long to just end things
over the phone? That he deserves to actually hear that I m in love with someone else face-to-
face instead of through a text message? Nash released his hold on Sidney and took a step
back. I won t cheat on you. Not ever. Either you believe that or you don t. This is one of the
reasons I fought my feelings for you. I still don t know how the hell a relationship between
us is gonna work, but one thing is for certain. You re finishing that degree of yours, which
means you ll be leaving at the end of summer. Now, you can choose to make yourself
miserable by worrying that I m out fucking someone else, or you can concentrate on your
studies knowing I love you. The choice is yours.
Before Sidney could say a word, Nash walked out of the barn, Old Ben still clutched in
his hand. Sidney wanted to run after Nash, but he couldn t. Despite what Nash said, Sidney
knew he would always worry. Nash may not be a cheater, but that didn t mean he wouldn t
find someone and break up with Sidney before making a move on the other guy.
Did you find him? Lonnie asked, pushing a wheelbarrow full of straw and crap
towards Sidney.
Yeah, Sidney answered. He watched as Lonnie s gaze swept over the scars now
visible on Sidney s bare head. Suddenly, Sidney needed to get away. Driving himself to the
Reno County Courthouse in Hutchinson was impossible, but he could put off getting a copy
of the will for another day or so. Still, he needed a place to think.
SPRING Carol Lynne
94
Sidney thought about just taking off for the afternoon, but he knew he couldn t do that
either. Before Lonnie left the barn, Sidney called out, If anyone needs me I ll be at the
cemetery.
* * * *
Nash pulled along the side of the road and parked behind the ranch truck in front of the
Running Elk family cemetery. The stacked-stone wall surrounding the one acre resting place
always amazed Nash. The wall had been constructed over a hundred years earlier and not a
stone was out of place.
He spotted Sidney on a blanket under the old walnut tree that shaded his mother s
grave. Nash remembered the fit Jackson had thrown at burying his wife in that particular
location. Jackson hadn t liked the idea of the tree s roots eventually destroying Elizabeth s
casket. Elizabeth had just shaken her head and tried to explain to her grieving husband that
by becoming part of the tree, she would live on for years to come.
Hey, Nash greeted. Lonnie told me you were out here. Nash sat on the corner of
the blanket and rested his back against the tree. He took off his cowboy hat and set it on the
grass.
Sidney s eyes remained closed, but Nash knew the younger man wasn t asleep. I can
feel her here.
I know. Nash had found a distraught Sidney at his mom s grave on more than one
occasion over the years. There were no doubts in Nash s mind as to why Sidney was
currently seeking the comfort of his mom. The conversation in the barn hadn t gone well.
Nash knew he sounded harsher than he d meant to, but at the time he couldn t believe
Sidney would question his loyalty. It wasn t until after he d walked away that he realised
why Sidney would worry.
I ve known Reece for almost eight years. Been fucking him for about the same amount
of time, Nash began.
I don t think I want to hear this, Sidney mumbled.
I m sure you don t, but you didn t let me finish. What I was going to tell you is that
I ve fucked Reece for the last eight years and never once felt it was anything more than a
SPRING Carol Lynne
95
fuck. One night with you and I knew what making love was all about. It sounds corny as
hell, but I can t go back. You ve got me.
Sidney finally opened his eyes and turned his head towards Nash. Is he handsome?
Yes. Nash moved to stretch out beside Sidney. He traced a few of the small, dark
scars on Sidney s head. But so are you. He ran his hand over the small amount of black
fuzz. I know you don t think so, but I have a feeling you re not really seeing yourself
anymore. I think you re seeing the face of a man who was driving a car when a friend s life
was changed forever.
Sidney quickly turned away, dislodging Nash s hand. Of course I am. How could I not
when I m faced with what I did every fucking time I look into a mirror?
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take away your guilt, but I can t. And I won t
tell you not to feel what you re feeling, because I m sure I d be going through the exact same
emotions if our positions were reversed. But you will get through this. We will get through
this. Nash laid a hand on the centre of Sidney s chest.
Sidney met Nash s gaze with tears in his eyes. I kissed Luke.
The confession made Nash feel uneasy. Is that all you did with him?
Sidney shook his head as if he were frustrated. It s not the kiss. The kiss didn t mean
anything.
So what did? Nash asked, confused.
He unbuckled himself so he could kiss me while I was driving that night.
The impact of the statement took Nash aback for a moment. He just laid there and
stared at Sidney.
Now do you understand? I think Josh knows. I think that s why he can t stand to look
at or talk to me.
Nash scooted closer to Sidney before pulling the man into his arms. Although he
understood Sidney s guilt, Nash knew he wasn t alone. If you re guilty, so am I. I shouldn t
have pushed you away like I did. Maybe if I hadn t the kiss would ve never happened. And
unless you unbuckled Luke s seatbelt, he shares some of the blame as well.
With his injured cheek resting against Nash s chest, Sidney squeezed Nash tighter. I
love you.
SPRING Carol Lynne
96
I love you, too. Nash thought of his meeting with Reece. Although it was important
he speak to Reece in person, he couldn t bring himself to leave Sidney for the evening. I ll [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]