[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
ones mostly on their own as well. Go to college? Work full time? Try to combine work
and college? Stay in college or drop out? Switch majors? Switch colleges? Switch jobs?
Switch apartments? Switch roommates? Break up with girlfriend /boyfriend? Move in
with girlfriend /boyfriend? Date someone new? Even for emerging adults who remain at
home, many of these decisions apply. Counsel may be offered or sought from parents and
friends, but many of these decisions mean clarifying in their own minds what they want,
and nobody can really tell them what they want but themselves.
To say that emerging adulthood is a self-focused time is not meant pejoratively.
There is nothing wrong about being self-focused during emerging adulthood; it is nor-
mal, healthy, and temporary. By focusing on them selves, emerging adults develop skills
for daily living, gain a better understanding of who they are and what they want from
life, and begin to build a foundation for their adult lives. The goal of their self-focusing
is self-sufficiency, learning to stand alone as a self-sufficient person, but they do not see
self-sufficiency as a permanent state. Rather, they view it as a necessary step before com-
mitting themselves to enduring relationships with others, in love and work.
The Age of Feeling In-Between
The exploration and instability of emerging adulthood give it the quality of an in-
between period between adolescence, when most people live in their parents home
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Chapter 8 " Childhood and Youth 337
and are required to attend secondary school, and young adulthood, when most people
have entered marriage and parenthood and have settled into a stable occupational path.
In between the restrictions of adolescence and the responsibilities of adulthood lie the
explorations and instability of emerging adulthood.
It feels this way to emerging adults, too like an age in-between, neither adolescent
nor adult, on the way to adulthood but not there yet. When asked whether they feel they
have reached adulthood, their responses are often ambiguous, with one foot in yes and the
other in no. For example, Lillian, 25, answered the question this way:
Sometimes I think I ve reached adulthood and then I sit down and eat ice cream directly
from the box, and I keep thinking, I ll know I m an adult when I don t eat ice cream
right out of the box any more! That seems like such a childish thing to do. But I guess
in some ways I feel like I m an adult. I m a pretty responsible person. I mean, if I say I m
going to do something, I do it. I m very responsible with my job. Financially, I m fairly
responsible with my money. But sometimes in social circumstances I feel uncomfortable
like I don t know what I m supposed to do, and I still feel like a little kid. So a lot of times
I don t really feel like an adult.
As Figure 25.4 demonstrates, about 60% of emerging adults aged 18 25 report
this yes and no feeling in response to the question Do you feel that you have reached
adulthood? 26 Once they reach their late twenties and early thirties most Americans feel
they have definitely reached adulthood, but even then a substantial proportion, about
30%, still feels in-between. It is only in their later thirties, their forties, and their fifties
that this sense of ambiguity has faded for nearly everyone and the feeling of being adult
is well established.
The reason that so many emerging adults feel in-between is evident from the
criteria they consider to be most important for becoming an adult. The criteria most
100
90
Yes
80
No
Yes and no
70
60
50
40
30
20
10
12 17 18 25 26 35 36 55
Age
FIGURE 25.4 Do You Feel That You Have Reached Adulthood?
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Percentage
338 Part III " Parents and Children
important to them are gradual, so their feeling of becoming an adult is gradual, too. In
a variety of regions of the United States, in a variety of ethnic groups, in studies using
both questionnaires and interviews, people consistently state the following as the top
three criteria for adulthood:27
1. Accept responsibility for yourself.
2. Make independent decisions.
3. Become financially independent.
All three criteria are gradual, incremental, rather than all at once. Consequently,
although emerging adults begin to feel adult by the time they reach age 18 or 19, they
do not feel completely adult until years later, some time in their mid- to late twenties.
By then they have become confident that they have reached a point where they accept
responsibility, make their own decisions, and are financially independent. While they are
in the process of developing those qualities, they feel in between adolescence and full
adulthood. . . .
The Age of Possibilities
Emerging adulthood is the age of possibilities, when many different futures remain open,
when little about a person s direction in life has been decided for certain. It tends to be
an age of high hopes and great expectations, in part because few of their dreams have
been tested in the fires of real life. Emerging adults look to the future and envision
a well-paying, satisfying job, a loving, lifelong marriage, and happy children who are
above average. In one national survey of 18 24-year-olds, nearly all 96% agreed with
the statement I am very sure that someday I will get to where I want to be in life. 28 The
dreary, dead-end jobs, the bitter divorces, the disappointing and disrespectful children
that some of them will find themselves experiencing in the years to come none of them
imagine that this is what the future holds for them.
One feature of emerging adulthood that makes it the age of possibilities is that,
typically, emerging adults have left their family of origin but are not yet committed to
a new network of relationships and obligations. This is especially important for young
people who have grown up in difficult conditions. A chaotic or unhappy family is difficult
to rise above for children and adolescents, because they return to that family environment
every day and the family s problems are often reflected in problems of their own. If the
parents fight a lot, they have to listen to them. If the parents live in poverty, the children
live in poverty, too, most likely in dangerous neighborhoods with inferior schools. If
a parent is alcoholic, the disruptions from the parent s problems rip through the rest of
the family as well. However, with emerging adulthood and departure from the family
home, an unparalleled opportunity begins for young people to transform their lives. For
those who have come from troubled families, this is their chance to try to straighten the
parts of themselves that have become twisted. . . .
Even for those who have come from families they regard as relatively happy and
healthy, emerging adulthood is an opportunity to transform themselves so that they are [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl fopke.keep.pl
ones mostly on their own as well. Go to college? Work full time? Try to combine work
and college? Stay in college or drop out? Switch majors? Switch colleges? Switch jobs?
Switch apartments? Switch roommates? Break up with girlfriend /boyfriend? Move in
with girlfriend /boyfriend? Date someone new? Even for emerging adults who remain at
home, many of these decisions apply. Counsel may be offered or sought from parents and
friends, but many of these decisions mean clarifying in their own minds what they want,
and nobody can really tell them what they want but themselves.
To say that emerging adulthood is a self-focused time is not meant pejoratively.
There is nothing wrong about being self-focused during emerging adulthood; it is nor-
mal, healthy, and temporary. By focusing on them selves, emerging adults develop skills
for daily living, gain a better understanding of who they are and what they want from
life, and begin to build a foundation for their adult lives. The goal of their self-focusing
is self-sufficiency, learning to stand alone as a self-sufficient person, but they do not see
self-sufficiency as a permanent state. Rather, they view it as a necessary step before com-
mitting themselves to enduring relationships with others, in love and work.
The Age of Feeling In-Between
The exploration and instability of emerging adulthood give it the quality of an in-
between period between adolescence, when most people live in their parents home
C
Ch-08.indd 336 7/8/2008 12:34:31 PM
h
-
8
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i
n
d
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3
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2
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1
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:
3
4
:
3
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P
M
Chapter 8 " Childhood and Youth 337
and are required to attend secondary school, and young adulthood, when most people
have entered marriage and parenthood and have settled into a stable occupational path.
In between the restrictions of adolescence and the responsibilities of adulthood lie the
explorations and instability of emerging adulthood.
It feels this way to emerging adults, too like an age in-between, neither adolescent
nor adult, on the way to adulthood but not there yet. When asked whether they feel they
have reached adulthood, their responses are often ambiguous, with one foot in yes and the
other in no. For example, Lillian, 25, answered the question this way:
Sometimes I think I ve reached adulthood and then I sit down and eat ice cream directly
from the box, and I keep thinking, I ll know I m an adult when I don t eat ice cream
right out of the box any more! That seems like such a childish thing to do. But I guess
in some ways I feel like I m an adult. I m a pretty responsible person. I mean, if I say I m
going to do something, I do it. I m very responsible with my job. Financially, I m fairly
responsible with my money. But sometimes in social circumstances I feel uncomfortable
like I don t know what I m supposed to do, and I still feel like a little kid. So a lot of times
I don t really feel like an adult.
As Figure 25.4 demonstrates, about 60% of emerging adults aged 18 25 report
this yes and no feeling in response to the question Do you feel that you have reached
adulthood? 26 Once they reach their late twenties and early thirties most Americans feel
they have definitely reached adulthood, but even then a substantial proportion, about
30%, still feels in-between. It is only in their later thirties, their forties, and their fifties
that this sense of ambiguity has faded for nearly everyone and the feeling of being adult
is well established.
The reason that so many emerging adults feel in-between is evident from the
criteria they consider to be most important for becoming an adult. The criteria most
100
90
Yes
80
No
Yes and no
70
60
50
40
30
20
10
12 17 18 25 26 35 36 55
Age
FIGURE 25.4 Do You Feel That You Have Reached Adulthood?
C
Ch-08.indd 337 7/8/2008 12:34:32 PM
h
-
8
.
i
n
d
d
3
3
7
7
/
8
/
2
8
1
2
:
3
4
:
3
2
P
M
Percentage
338 Part III " Parents and Children
important to them are gradual, so their feeling of becoming an adult is gradual, too. In
a variety of regions of the United States, in a variety of ethnic groups, in studies using
both questionnaires and interviews, people consistently state the following as the top
three criteria for adulthood:27
1. Accept responsibility for yourself.
2. Make independent decisions.
3. Become financially independent.
All three criteria are gradual, incremental, rather than all at once. Consequently,
although emerging adults begin to feel adult by the time they reach age 18 or 19, they
do not feel completely adult until years later, some time in their mid- to late twenties.
By then they have become confident that they have reached a point where they accept
responsibility, make their own decisions, and are financially independent. While they are
in the process of developing those qualities, they feel in between adolescence and full
adulthood. . . .
The Age of Possibilities
Emerging adulthood is the age of possibilities, when many different futures remain open,
when little about a person s direction in life has been decided for certain. It tends to be
an age of high hopes and great expectations, in part because few of their dreams have
been tested in the fires of real life. Emerging adults look to the future and envision
a well-paying, satisfying job, a loving, lifelong marriage, and happy children who are
above average. In one national survey of 18 24-year-olds, nearly all 96% agreed with
the statement I am very sure that someday I will get to where I want to be in life. 28 The
dreary, dead-end jobs, the bitter divorces, the disappointing and disrespectful children
that some of them will find themselves experiencing in the years to come none of them
imagine that this is what the future holds for them.
One feature of emerging adulthood that makes it the age of possibilities is that,
typically, emerging adults have left their family of origin but are not yet committed to
a new network of relationships and obligations. This is especially important for young
people who have grown up in difficult conditions. A chaotic or unhappy family is difficult
to rise above for children and adolescents, because they return to that family environment
every day and the family s problems are often reflected in problems of their own. If the
parents fight a lot, they have to listen to them. If the parents live in poverty, the children
live in poverty, too, most likely in dangerous neighborhoods with inferior schools. If
a parent is alcoholic, the disruptions from the parent s problems rip through the rest of
the family as well. However, with emerging adulthood and departure from the family
home, an unparalleled opportunity begins for young people to transform their lives. For
those who have come from troubled families, this is their chance to try to straighten the
parts of themselves that have become twisted. . . .
Even for those who have come from families they regard as relatively happy and
healthy, emerging adulthood is an opportunity to transform themselves so that they are [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]