[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
are automatically resisted or embellished upon.
The ability to say yes to the requests life makes upon you
has far-reaching and profound ramifi cations. When you bring
awareness to your automatic no without judging yourself for
having it, then it loses its power to dominate your life, your
life choices, and your relationship (Third Principle). Rather
than being taken advantage of, people who learn how to be a
yes to life s requests become more direct in their actions and
in their ability to communicate. They are subsequently more
productive, effective, and satisfi ed. On an intimate level, one
Ho w t o Cr e at e a Magi c al Re l at i o ns hi p
54
who discovers how to listen to his or her partner and fulfi ll
requests will fi nd physical intimacy becomes far easier, more
pleasurable, and more fulfi lling.
SURRENDER VERSUS SUCCUMB
When discussing being a yes to your life, it is important to
establish what is meant when we use the terms surrender and
succumb and to distinguish between the two. There is a vast dif-
ference between surrendering and succumbing to the requests
made upon you by your life and your partner. Surrender is when
you take on another s request of you as though it were your
own. Succumb is when you do what is requested of you and
victimize yourself for having to do it.
How many times have you said, Yes, I will, to what is
requested of you and then resented that you had to? This is
succumbing. Succumb is when you complain in your thoughts
about the injustice of the request and how you are doing it only
because they asked it of you, not because you want to.
We defi ne surrender as allowing yourself to do what your life
requests of you, and sometimes, your life shows up as requests
made by your partner. Surrender is when you fulfi ll a request as
if it were your own idea in the first place, with the intention
of having it be a really great idea. This is distinctly different
from fulfi lling the request with the intention to prove to your
partner that he or she was mistaken or misguided to have asked
in the fi rst place. In other words, if you succumb to a request,
you will not have fun and you will be proving him or her
wrong. When you succumb, frequently you will hurt yourself
somehow to show your partner just how wrong he or she is.
When you surrender to a request, however, you both win and
experience satisfaction as a result.
Many people find surrendering very challenging, because
once they are in a relationship, they start competing with their
partner. This dynamic can be especially strong for women who
compare themselves and their achievements to those of their
mate and want to prove that they are equal to, as good as, or, in
Do n t T e l l Me Wh a t t o Do !
55
fact, better than a man. It is also strong
True independence is
for men who have been programmed
the ability to surren-
not to let girls get ahead of them.
der to another human
Many women have not discovered
that they can just be themselves and still
being. Without that
include their femininity. They haven t
ability, you are run by
seen that they don t have to be manly
a mechanical way of
in a man s world. They haven t rec-
ognized that they can be very potent
being Don t Tell
and powerful as human beings without
Me What to Do!
force, because force looks really bad on
a woman. Of course, it doesn t work so
well for men either.
If you have the choice, the ability, the willingness to sur-
render, then you are truly independent. It takes a very strong
person to say, Yes . . . yes . . . okay, yes . . . yes . . . sure . . .
alright . . . yes.
If you have the ability to sidestep the early programming of
not wanting to be told what to do by another, then you actually
have the ability to honestly say, No, I don t want to do that,
when no is your truth. When you have the ability to surren-
der, you become powerful in yourself, and your union with a
partner becomes a powerful one. Whether your relationship is
new or well seasoned, there is the possibility of surrendering to
your life and your partner and having your relationship enter
the realm of the miraculous.
Sometimes when approaching the idea of surrendering to
one s partner, people get worried they will lose themselves, get
taken advantage of, or become a doormat. If you find yourself
with one of these concerns, then take a step back and realize
that dissolving your automatic no truly has nothing to do
with your partner and everything to do with how you approach
your life. Start with noticing your thoughts and attitudes about
normal day-to-day activities. For instance, when you brush
your teeth, do you still resist having to ? Or have you ever
noticed that you will leave unwashed dishes in the sink and
Ho w t o Cr e at e a Magi c al Re l at i o ns hi p
56
then pass by them throughout the day, even though their mere
presence is a request to wash them and put them away? Or how
about making your bed, paying that bill, balancing your check-
book, returning that phone call, or replacing that burned-out
light bulb? When we are talking about surrender, we are talk-
ing about developing the ability to be a yes to the requests
life makes upon you. When you become practiced at being
responsive to your environment, saying yes to your partner
becomes a wonderful dance of taking care of each other rather
than a begrudging, list-keeping tit for tat.
Exercises: Don t Tell Me What to Do!
1. See if you can notice all of the ways you resist being told what to
do by yourself and by others.
2. Notice when the phone rings if you hold it as an intrusion.
3. When your partner asks you to do something, notice when you
are not wholehearted in your response. (If you don t have a
partner, fi ll in with your supervisor, a colleague at work, a friend,
or a family member.)
6
Breaking the Cycle of
Unfulfilling Relationships
If you want to create a working, supportive relationship with
another, it is imperative that you be willing to be complete in
the relationship you have with your parents. The dictionary
defines complete as lacking no component part; full; whole; [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl fopke.keep.pl
are automatically resisted or embellished upon.
The ability to say yes to the requests life makes upon you
has far-reaching and profound ramifi cations. When you bring
awareness to your automatic no without judging yourself for
having it, then it loses its power to dominate your life, your
life choices, and your relationship (Third Principle). Rather
than being taken advantage of, people who learn how to be a
yes to life s requests become more direct in their actions and
in their ability to communicate. They are subsequently more
productive, effective, and satisfi ed. On an intimate level, one
Ho w t o Cr e at e a Magi c al Re l at i o ns hi p
54
who discovers how to listen to his or her partner and fulfi ll
requests will fi nd physical intimacy becomes far easier, more
pleasurable, and more fulfi lling.
SURRENDER VERSUS SUCCUMB
When discussing being a yes to your life, it is important to
establish what is meant when we use the terms surrender and
succumb and to distinguish between the two. There is a vast dif-
ference between surrendering and succumbing to the requests
made upon you by your life and your partner. Surrender is when
you take on another s request of you as though it were your
own. Succumb is when you do what is requested of you and
victimize yourself for having to do it.
How many times have you said, Yes, I will, to what is
requested of you and then resented that you had to? This is
succumbing. Succumb is when you complain in your thoughts
about the injustice of the request and how you are doing it only
because they asked it of you, not because you want to.
We defi ne surrender as allowing yourself to do what your life
requests of you, and sometimes, your life shows up as requests
made by your partner. Surrender is when you fulfi ll a request as
if it were your own idea in the first place, with the intention
of having it be a really great idea. This is distinctly different
from fulfi lling the request with the intention to prove to your
partner that he or she was mistaken or misguided to have asked
in the fi rst place. In other words, if you succumb to a request,
you will not have fun and you will be proving him or her
wrong. When you succumb, frequently you will hurt yourself
somehow to show your partner just how wrong he or she is.
When you surrender to a request, however, you both win and
experience satisfaction as a result.
Many people find surrendering very challenging, because
once they are in a relationship, they start competing with their
partner. This dynamic can be especially strong for women who
compare themselves and their achievements to those of their
mate and want to prove that they are equal to, as good as, or, in
Do n t T e l l Me Wh a t t o Do !
55
fact, better than a man. It is also strong
True independence is
for men who have been programmed
the ability to surren-
not to let girls get ahead of them.
der to another human
Many women have not discovered
that they can just be themselves and still
being. Without that
include their femininity. They haven t
ability, you are run by
seen that they don t have to be manly
a mechanical way of
in a man s world. They haven t rec-
ognized that they can be very potent
being Don t Tell
and powerful as human beings without
Me What to Do!
force, because force looks really bad on
a woman. Of course, it doesn t work so
well for men either.
If you have the choice, the ability, the willingness to sur-
render, then you are truly independent. It takes a very strong
person to say, Yes . . . yes . . . okay, yes . . . yes . . . sure . . .
alright . . . yes.
If you have the ability to sidestep the early programming of
not wanting to be told what to do by another, then you actually
have the ability to honestly say, No, I don t want to do that,
when no is your truth. When you have the ability to surren-
der, you become powerful in yourself, and your union with a
partner becomes a powerful one. Whether your relationship is
new or well seasoned, there is the possibility of surrendering to
your life and your partner and having your relationship enter
the realm of the miraculous.
Sometimes when approaching the idea of surrendering to
one s partner, people get worried they will lose themselves, get
taken advantage of, or become a doormat. If you find yourself
with one of these concerns, then take a step back and realize
that dissolving your automatic no truly has nothing to do
with your partner and everything to do with how you approach
your life. Start with noticing your thoughts and attitudes about
normal day-to-day activities. For instance, when you brush
your teeth, do you still resist having to ? Or have you ever
noticed that you will leave unwashed dishes in the sink and
Ho w t o Cr e at e a Magi c al Re l at i o ns hi p
56
then pass by them throughout the day, even though their mere
presence is a request to wash them and put them away? Or how
about making your bed, paying that bill, balancing your check-
book, returning that phone call, or replacing that burned-out
light bulb? When we are talking about surrender, we are talk-
ing about developing the ability to be a yes to the requests
life makes upon you. When you become practiced at being
responsive to your environment, saying yes to your partner
becomes a wonderful dance of taking care of each other rather
than a begrudging, list-keeping tit for tat.
Exercises: Don t Tell Me What to Do!
1. See if you can notice all of the ways you resist being told what to
do by yourself and by others.
2. Notice when the phone rings if you hold it as an intrusion.
3. When your partner asks you to do something, notice when you
are not wholehearted in your response. (If you don t have a
partner, fi ll in with your supervisor, a colleague at work, a friend,
or a family member.)
6
Breaking the Cycle of
Unfulfilling Relationships
If you want to create a working, supportive relationship with
another, it is imperative that you be willing to be complete in
the relationship you have with your parents. The dictionary
defines complete as lacking no component part; full; whole; [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]